I'm Going to be Single Forever!

I recently joined a dating site. In related news, I recently deleted my account on that dating site because ohmygosh, this is what is out there.

I'm sorry, but I prefer to eat my frozen confections before partaking in robberies, heists, or other assorted shenanigans.

Usually I just think my snarky comments, but sometimes I can't  stop myself from writing them.

Excellent! That is the reason I'm on a dating site after all - to find a good investor.

First off - ew! Secondly, no one likes the disclaimer of "you look good FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS KIDS."

Talk like Yoda you do.

How long did it take you to come up with that one word message?

Two words! Keep going, guys. Pretty soon you'll have a whole sentence!

I'm sorry, but what language are you speaking?

I'm not familiar with yoy. I love wine.

What did you call me? Wait, what???

Oh, look at you trying to converse using only emoticons like a 4 year old, or a teenager!

Ummm, what?

Pro tip - if one doesn't respond after the first three "messages" one probably isn't interested.

Are you calling me a dork? And using random abbreviations? Am I missing something???

If only I gave points for persistence.

:::Banging my head against the wall:::

The rambling ADD, the putting syrup on Italian food . . . Buddy the elf, is that you???

 You don't sound rude; you sound stupid. Who makes a mistake on their age? Or shall I say Aged?

 Hear that, folks? I'm a good writter. And, apparently I'm a mile away from wawa.

 Um, I'm not a guy therefore I don't have any pictures of my car on my dating site, but if I did, I'd completely understand why you love my car. I mean, minivans are hot!

Is this an existential question?

Oh yes, yes, I completely agree. Wait, what are we talking about?

I just threw up a little.

Although you show the utmost class, I'm going to ignore you anyway.

It's not exactly a smile. No, I'd say it's more of a grimace.

Yeah, I'm gonna pass on you texting me pictures. Thanks, but pass. Hard pass.

Shoot me now.

Sure, you can play the part of a freak, and I'll play the part of someone who is going to be single for the rest of her life.

(If you're wondering, this was just a very small sampling of the kinds of messages I got on POF. Supposedly POF stands for Plenty of Fish. I think Plenty of Freaks is a better fit, however. I'm on Match now which is much better, but still . . . I'm thankful my membership expires soon!)